My top ten list of things NOT to do in the elevator. Just my opinion, for the two cents it is worth!  

1. Please do not burp loudly like you just went to the all you can mexican buffet. I mean really, do I have to even ask? I am not deaf and I can hear you.

2. Please do not pass gas. Yes, silent is still violent. I don’t want to have to ride nine floors up with the elevator smelling like someone just used the bathroom.

3. Please do not force me to listen to you sing. If you have not made it to American Idol by now, trust me, not going to happen. So shut up!

4. Ladies, please do not stand there and pick your underwear out of your butt. If they bother you that bad, by all means go buy some that fit. You can get them cheap at Wal-Mart so I do not have to stand there anymore and watch you dig in places where the sun does not shine.

5. Men, do not sit there and scratch. If it itches that bad, go shower or get a prescription.  Yes, I can see you in the mirror and the image is disturbing.

6.  Please take off your sunglasses. If the florescent lights bother you that bad, go to the eye doctor. Otherwise, you just look stupid with them on in the elevator.

7.  Do not stare at my breasts in the mirror. No, I am not blind. Yes, I do see you and wish you would quit. Very obvious.

8.  Do not stare at my butt in the mirror either. See number 7 if still confused.

9.  Please use deoderant if you just left the gym on your lunch hour. We all can smell your workout.

10.  Last but not least, for those of you waiting to get on the elevator, please at least be kind enough to let me off the elevator before you run in a mad stampede to get on.  If you are that late, waiting one more minute to get to your destination is not going to matter. Just face it, you are late.